My Story in a Nutshell
Nondual embodiment? There was a time when I had no concept of what this meant. I was a kid raised in trauma, a young adult with no identity, I had a life with no meaning. At the age of 25, I came to a choice point in my life, “Leave my life and end my suffering?,” or “What if I just tried? Tried to figure it out, the meaning of all of this suffering?” In that one moment, I decided I would try one more time.
My starting point was two books, The Road Less Traveled (M. Scott Peck) and The Courage to Heal (Ellen Bass & Laura Davis). I read these books and felt hope for the first time since I could remember. I don’t know that I understood what I was reading, I just knew that in these two books, life was different and better than I could have imagined.
I met my first teacher, someone who began to validate my experiences, insights, intelligences, and knowing’s were real. He took an interest in me asking me questions about all sorts of things and genuinely wanted to know what I thought. It had been years, if ever, that someone had been so interested to ask me anything. Of course, I expected he had some motive. He wanted something from me I just had to wait to figure out what the string or hook would be. Yet, it never came, no string, just interest.
I had an instinct that I needed an education. I had to find a way to create structure in my life where I had none. I was disorganized, could not manage money, my self-care, time meant nothing to me nor did boundaries. I knew that going to school would teach me things like how to finish something, how to meet a deadline, and how to think. I needed to learn how to think.
But I had to start with very little expectation, one thing at a time. The first college class, my only goal was to finish the class having attended each session. I received a C in this basic English Composition class. I did not understand the homework. I did not write enough. I didn’t have anything else to write. I asked questions and still didn’t understand. But I succeeded in finishing the class having shown up each session. This meant more to me than any grade. I had set a goal and met it. It was life changing.
I got a job, worked hard to get a job, with the intention of showing up on time every day I was scheduled to work. I had to learn to get up on time and to orient myself in time. I spend weeks looking at my watch and learning the time it took to do certain things, get to work, find a parking place, and more.
I spent another couple years learning to finish all my strewn about unfinished projects. All of the projects I had started and thrown to the side, I picked up and finished. I learned to have boundaries--a beginning, middle, and end. This taught me to emotionally tolerate challenging situations, to take responsibility for myself and what I owned. I learned self-respect.
I continued school, I began meditation, I went to several "Anonymous" programs because I heard there was strength and learning there. I learned a lot sitting there listening to many stories that sounded like my own.
Fast forward to age 43, I had worked hard to face myself and my issues, learned many different healing modalities, all seeking to experience myself—to know myself. I had the most incredible experience of waking up one day, feeling myself. It was ecstatic or so ordinary. No worry, no depression, no suspicion, no thinking this would be another day just to get through. The fog was gone! I just felt…myself!
Ah, so this is nondual embodiment. This is healing. I was in my body, and it felt like me. The splits were gone. I was connected to my core. I know what I know, and I know what I need. It was remarkable and the hard, nearly impossible work, had been worth it.
I continued my long educational path to finally complete a doctorate degree in clinical psychology. Alongside this I continued my study and training in all things esoteric spending significant time with many well-known healers and meditators, all leading me, to myself. I’ve come a long way from not knowing anything to knowing what I know.
I am a trauma informed therapist, with 30+ years’ experience, my own healing journey, and clinical education focused on chronic pain and illness. I have 30+ years of study in spiritual, mindfulness, embodiment, somatic, and other alternative healing practices. I look forward to supporting you along your path to find your joyous connected life.